Support your family by giving what you can!

Each of us on this earth plane are on our own journey. Perhaps we are here to learn forgiveness, or to learn about giving, or perhaps to learn how to ask for help, or maybe to learn to receive. Whatever our reasons for being here and our lessons to learn, our journey is unlike that of other people.

While I was writing my book, I realized that there were many times in my life that I needed the help of my family. One time that sticks out the most is when I was divorcing my husband and had become a single mom to a 1 year old boy. My parents took us into their home until I could heal from my loss and get a place of my own. I had to start a full-time job and was on social assistance. After 3 years I was exhausted of doing everything on my own and having to be mom and dad to this precious boy of mine. What I had needed from my family was for them to take my son so I could have a break. However, I did not receive this help. Perhaps if I had directly asked my family for help, then I would have had more of a break. But I thought everyone could see the stress I lived in everyday. Apparently, that was not the case.

As my mom is reading my book, she is realizing that what I needed the most, she could not give me. As she gave me a hug, she told me that she is just now realizing how hard my life has been and that she was not there for me. She was amazed at my strength and perseverance in the arms of struggle. I told my mom that it is alright. I said that she was not in a place at the time to realize what I was going through, or to be able to help me. I said that she was in her own struggle and fighting her own battles. I clarified with her that she was not able to give me what I needed because she did not know how to give it to herself.

What I mean by this is that on our own journey through life, we all have our own trials and tribulations to push through. At the time of my divorce and starting a new life, my mom was dealing with health issues that affected her legs. She has been having health issues for as long as I can remember. She did not have the life force energy to share with anyone else because she needed her energy for herself.

The most important thing I have learned in all my time on earth is that we need to take care of ourselves first. Some people may call it being selfish, but I call it self-preservation. If you are in a happy state and enjoying your life, feeling grateful and abundant and joyful, then you will have the ability to help others that are in your life. If, however, you are in a state of self-hatred, self-doubt or lack in any way, then you are not in a state to be helping others. Only when you love yourself and take care of yourself do you have the ability to help others. When you are a single mom and raising your children, you depend upon your family and friends to help you in every way. Single moms need help with food, money, child care, counselling and love. Single moms need the gift of time alone to help them heal from their pain and grief. When single moms (or single dads) get a break from taking care of their children, they are able to take care of themselves, which is vital to be able to be strong, loving and supportive for their children.

We cannot give to others what we do not have to give to ourselves. So think about who it is in your family, or group of friends, that could use the gift of time. Could someone you know use a break from parenting their children? Could you have their children over to your house to that person could be at home having a bubble bath or dancing to loud music? Could you watch their children so that they can go out with their friends and have some fun? When people think of giving to others, they may relate that to giving money. But as I have always told my family, I need the gift of time more than anything else. Time with people you love is priceless! And time away from stress is of equal value. When we sit in our despair and grief non-stop, it is really, really hard to get out of that unhappiness. I have been there, for many years, and it is something I will never allow myself to do again. As the saying goes, a change is as good as a rest.

If you, or someone you know, is going through some hard times right now, ask them what they need. If they need time away to go and have fun, then offer to hold space for them with their children so they can get out and break the cycle of grief. If they say they need new recipes to be able to stretch their money further, then help them shop for and cook better food. If they tell you they need a hug, then be willing to give them time to hug and lend your shoulder. If they say they need money for food or gas, then open your heart and your wallet and share with them. Also, ask the kids what they need. Perhaps they will say they need to get out of the house. Then please, take them out sledding, or for a walk, or to play in the snow, or for a bike ride. If they say they need a hug, then wrap them in your arms and reassure them that everything is okay. If they say they want to go to a movie, or go for lunch, then do that. It is in this way that we can best help our family and friends, by giving them what they really need, not just what WE think they need.

It takes a village to raise a child, and it take all of a person's friends and family to help them and support them through hard times. Christmas is about giving, yes, but why not keep this feeling and spirit of giving throughout the year? Let's open our hearts and our lives fully to help everyone we know. But first, make sure you are giving, loving, and helping yourself. This is how we will change the world. One person at a time. Happy New Year everyone, and let us all do our part to make 2016 the best year yet!