Staying true to my authentic self

STAYING TRUE TO MY AUTHENTIC SELF

By Anisa Blake

I had a tough decision to make yesterday. It has been coming now for some time. I had to tell my family member, who I am very close to, that I could no see them anymore because of the choices they made and the person they have become.

This family member had been going through some really nasty personal changes that I was asked to be part of. This transition had been going on for the last 2 years. Our mutual friends, myself and my son were all asked for our help to remove my family member from their home and away from their spouse. My family member could no longer tolerate being with their spouse, having lived with turmoil for 37 years. This family member had recently spent 2 rounds in the hospital psyche ward. Though I was with her for the first round that lasted for one week, the second round was for a month and they were not allowed visitors, except for the one person they did not want to see; the spouse. Knowing all the details of what had transpired in the past 2 years and being very much involved in all of it as requested by family member's children and spouse, I felt we were acting in the best interest of this family member when we removed them from their home.

The psychiatrist that was taking care of my family member refused to allow them visitors except for the spouse who was the last person my family member wanted to see. In fact, upon helping them move from marital home, they were on the floor in tears for fear that they would have to see their spouse again, not wanting any further contact except to divorce and divide property. This doctor felt that 37 years together was too long to separate now. This doctor insisted, and made it mandatory, for my family member to receive marriage counseling while in the hospital. My family member was given medication that was at such a high dose that they had a hard time functioning and every little movement and attempt at speech was difficult. Though medication has been reduced and they are able to function properly now, their brain is forever changed. As a result of all of this, my family member stays at home, is in constant observation by spouse, and they rarely have any contact with family. Their contact with friends has been cut off except for one that was friends with both parties. When this family member attends family functions, their spouse or children do not attend, and they are there in body only, detached from any part of their soul that was present before.

As a family, we all talk about this situation and we know the truth about the spouse and the control they have over this family member. Having been in the same room with this family member's children and spouse, called because of my strong influence, I watched as they attempted to coerce this family member to take medication that would help all of them feel better about how this family member was acting. I also know that the spouse tricked this family member into taking medication against their will by hiding it in food. I have seen this family member for all my life be the happy, bubbly, jovial and excited person that they were meant to be. They were involved in art and music, they loved beautiful colors of objects, they loved to walk and enjoyed the outdoors. They also loved to shop and spend time with me, other family members, and their friends.

Sadly now, the only people this family member spends time with is spouse, children, grandchild, and spouses family. Though they make phone calls to parents, visits are very minimal. As parents just moved from country to city where we live, this family member showed up only twice. They make no commitment for anything or anyone. All conversation is a merry-go round of words and there is no acceptance of responsibility for what took place in the recent past. Due to all these decisions and for who this family member has become, they are no longer easy to visit or pleasant to talk to. I feel worse after my interactions with them and because I choose to fill my life with happy, heart-centered people, I had to make the difficult decision to say goodbye. I told them I no longer wanted to play their game of simple and safe conversation. I gave them back the event that changed our relationship and put the responsibility of same back to them. I told them it is up to them to mend the fences that were damaged in all of this and that I forgive them for getting us involved. I said I no longer carry that with me, it is now back to you and your family.

Though I miss the person this family member used to be, I will not miss the constant denial by them of how things are. I am being true and authentic with myself, asking for what I need and allowing them to take ownership of the choices they made. I will for now love them from afar and hope that with time, they will come back to their soul as it is meant to be. I trust that God will work his magic and get this family member to be true and honest with themselves so they can once again live their authentic life.

I wrestled with this decision for months, knowing that I was allowing them to change my energy and that I felt depleted after talking with them. In saying my piece to them, the spirit and soul would hear the words and know that they are the truth. Though this family member said they were happy and loved their spouse, I know and feel that this is not their truth. In pulling myself away from the situation and being true to myself, it allows this person to go within and remember who they used to be; to challenge the safety of their known marriage; to encourage them to look for the truth of who they are; giving them time to think about their lost connection of soul and to ask themselves when they said no to being who they are meant to be. In essence, by my stepping away and telling this loved family member that it is not okay to dishonor who they are, it challenges them to delve deep inside to uncover their truths; to once again allow themselves to be free of the chains that bind them to an unsatisfactory life and find their freedom within.

I am not sure how long it will take. That will depend upon the eagerness of this family member to regain the love and support of the family and friends that have always been their soft place to fall. It may take a few months or it could take a few years. The purpose of our lives is relationship, and that extends past that of our immediate chosen household.

I made this decision with all the best intentions, coming from a place of love and reaching out to find the strength of the soul that is lost within the physical body of my family member. I trust that my actions will bring light to this dark space and uncover the false truth, shedding away the layers until true happiness and self-worthiness abound. I let it go and give it to the Universe to transmute and take care of. I trust that my timing is perfect and that now we can both be at peace.

#Family #Sayinggoodbye #Truth #HeartandSoul #Honest