Xbox or Toolbox?

I have a question for you? Who is raising your children? Is it the video games that seem to be the most prominent thing nowadays? Or is it you? Do your kids spend so much time on their games that they no longer go outside or interact with their friends? Are your kids consumed with spending every waking moment at home interacting with electronics instead of people? Do your kids have a social community made up of online character names instead of real people names? If the answer is yes, you are not alone.

The world now is being infiltrated with better, faster computers with the newest of technologies. We can call it progress or advancement of our lives. We cannot change the fact that technologies will forever be improving and there will always be something new to learn. This can be a good thing as these advancements can make our lives easier to some degree. But they can also be a detriment as we focus much time, energy and effort to keep up with all the latest and greatest toys! When my 4 boys were young, they loved playing video games. They would spend hours, and sometimes days, playing their games. They did learn hand and eye coordination, problem solving skills when it came to tactical maneuvers and definitely fighting techniques, but there were a lot of other things they learned that they cannot erase, and there were skills they needed to learn as children that were lost. The most prominent being the social interaction with other REAL people.

When I was young, being the middle child with 3 brothers and one sister, my dad and I were close. He taught me many things, such as how to place drywall, mud, tape and sand the drywall, renovate an old style banister, work with tools, refinish wood furniture, and building new kitchen cabinets. What I did not learn, however, was how to change a tire, change the oil in my car, or do a tune-up myself. Though dad did all these things on his own vehicle, and continues to do this, even at the age of 75, I still do not know how to change my own oil. My dad also did electrical work, plumbing work and invented many things, but I did not help him in these areas. I did spend a lot of time with my dad doing a lot in the way of building and carpenter work, but there were so many things I could have learned but did not get the opportunity of learning from my parents. As a girl, I thought mom would teach me how to cook, but instead chased me out of the kitchen and said I was in the way. I told my mom I would marry a chef and I did exactly that. I learned to cook on my own as I was single, and learned a whole lot more when we cooked together.

It is unfortunate that it takes two working incomes to take care of a household and raise kids. But there also needs to be a balance of work and play. Every boy and girl needs to understand the basic workings of all things. Even if you have someone else take care of your vehicle maintenance, it is important to show children how things work. This is beneficial so that if something goes wrong when they are driving on the road, and they have a basic understanding of the workings of the machine, perhaps they would be able to troubleshoot the problem and fix it themselves. Just as it is important to vacuum the floor, it is a good teaching moment to explain HOW the vacuum works so kids have a basic understanding of mechanics. Since both boys and girls will eventually leave home, they will all have to learn the basics of cooking. There is a goldmine of teaching moments here as you can show them math in measuring ingredients to bake cookies, science behind the leavening ingredients to make a cake rise, and how the heat of the oven will either cook your food or burn it and how to know the difference. They also need to learn how to clean and do their laundry. Budgeting would also be helpful so that when they finally start working, they will know how to spend, save and donate their money.

When my son was young, I found it very exciting and fun to take him grocery shopping with me. We would make a list of the food we wanted to buy, having made a menu of what we wanted to cook. I would take a calculator, paper and pen with me, as well as a snack for him, so we could focus on the task and not be distracted. As we started shopping, I would engage my son by asking him which product was a better choice to purchase by weight of the item and the price of each. We would figure it out together and we had a lot of fun. Other times, when we were short on time or I just wanted to get the shopping done quickly because of low patience, I would simply have my son add up all the prices of the products that we were buying. By engaging my son in these activities, he felt like an essential part of the team and not a bother. I also had my son cut up vegetables, stir the soup and measure the herbs and spices we used. This became our mom and son time, always. We would plan, shop and cook together. When my son was in high school, he was part of the foods class and was involved in catering to the school district, which he really enjoyed. Even as a young adult now, my son still tests my food to make sure I have the right amount of seasoning. He tells me to turn down the oven temperature and corrects me in a few other ways. We keep it light-hearted and fun and I am proud he learned from what I taught him.

I have a few single friends that wonder how their boys will learn to take care of their car, build with wood and tools, and repair the walls in a house because there is no dad in the picture. This is where I would say you need to get creative. If you want to teach a boy how to change the oil in a car, why not take him to an oil change place and ask them if they would mind showing him how they change the oil? Is there someone else in your life that can do guy stuff with your son? A friend, father, stepfather, or perhaps a boyfriend? Maybe your friend's boyfriend could teach your young man how to do some things. Girls need a female role model and boys need a male role model, it is as simple as that. But both genders need to learn the basics of independent living while they are at home. Teaching children to take care of themselves not only gives them responsibility, it also gives them power of self-care. They also need to learn independance, self-esteem, self-confidence and purpose. These are great gifts that every child deserves, and needs, to know.

When we allow them the privilege of our time and knowledge it is a gift that will keep on giving. They will forever remember the time spent with the important people in their lives and what they were taught. Each time I built houses with my ex-husband, I would feel proud that I knew how to drywall, mud, tape and sand a wall. I felt happy that I knew what the tools were called and how to use them. I was glad my dad spent time with me to pass on his knowledge so I could use what I learned in my life. Perhaps it is time now to give your children the gift of your undivided time and attention. Think about what skills your kids would benefit to learn and set about teaching them those things. It is time that will always be treasured and valued and your children will thank you for that later. There are also skills that we need to teach our kids that are not tactile, but rather mental skills. For example, how to solve a problem by way of breaking down the problem to smaller, more manageable bits and perhaps even work backwards to get the answer. We can also teach our kids how to read other people's body language so they can learn to be aware of the situations they face. Anger management was one thing I wish I had been able to teach my son as it would have been so helpful to him in his teen years. Also, one very important skill that is definitely lacking is communication, in all areas and facets of life. There are different ways to talk to your friend then there is to talk to your boss or your parents. These are some of the skills that our children could use our parental coaching to fine tune, as that they will not learn from anyone else.

As parents, we have chosen to raise healthy, strong, knowledgeable, wise and courageous children. It all starts with us and how we choose to accomplish this task. There is no better time then right now to start making a difference in our children's lives. In teaching our children these very valuable and irreplaceable abilities, it helps them take care of themselves, which in turn will help them teach and take care of other people. It is a win-win situation as I see it. So start today and let me know what your results were. I welcome your feedback about your progress and success stories. Happy parenting!

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